A gentle whisper
I am not quiet. I don’t sit in silence. In fact, I struggle to sit down for extended periods of time. To do lists constantly scroll through my mind. I am in a perpetual state of scanning my environment… Continue Reading
Another woman’s perfume
It has happened more often than I would like to admit. More often than I ever dreamed. And it hurt more than I ever imagined. My child smelled like another woman. It took my breath away the first time it… Continue Reading
I Said I’d Be Enough
It was about two months ago while we were at church. I had one of those moments where you feel a weight overcome you. I knew what was coming. God was about to tell me something, something that… Continue Reading
“Just wait until it’s your own”
This has been weighing on my heart and I can’t hold the weight of this burden anymore. I have heard this phrase “just wait until it’s your own” or “it will be different when it’s your child” countless times over… Continue Reading
She said “Yes”
It’s been awhile. I could blame it on the pregnancy, Jake starting a new job, or remodeling the house, etc. But that would be a lie. God and I have been climbing a mountain together for the past few… Continue Reading
I’m not ready
I am not ready for tomorrow. I am not ready to hear when he is never coming back. I am not ready to hear when my heart will be broken. I’m not ready to lose the remaining shreds of control… Continue Reading
One Week Later
It has been one week since the boys were reunified. Our house is so quiet and empty. Our house doesn’t feel like our house. But God is still good. I reached out to their mom this week. I asked if… Continue Reading
The last time
We said “I love you” for the last time today. How do you fit 11 months of a child’s life into boxes? How do you pack up their memories, their belongings in such a way that they feel as if… Continue Reading
“Not scary at all”
O: “Mommy watch me jump” Me: “Good job buddy.” O: “Jesus helped me jump.” Me: “Was it scary?” O: “No. Not scary at all.” I want to jump like O. I want to jump and have no fear because… Continue Reading
Trust, Waiting, Faith, Pain & Fear
So I said this post would happen this past weekend. It is Tuesday (when I wrote this). So I am feeling pretty good about this timeline. Parenthood y’all. This post is going to look different in that I… Continue Reading